Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

One of the things that amazes me about kids is their honesty.  While it can be a difficult pill to swallow, the commentary is usually spot on and pretty amusing.  Like when Charlie admonishes me for driving too fast and warns that the 'po po' are going to pull me over and give me a ticket.  Or when he tells Brian he smells like 'super stinky penis butt' after a run.

This past week we've noticed a departure from the blunt force honesty.  It started with a few minor incidents.  I heard the baby crying from the kitchen so in I ran, foolishly asking Charlie what happened.  Last week he would have openly confessed, 'I pushed Gregory off the stool.  Sorry, Mommy.'  The fact that he was not sorry at all is immaterial, the point is, he was honest about what happened.  This week, with his shit eating grin and hand still on the back of Gregory's neck, my little boy looked at me with innocent brown eyes and said, 'I don't know what happened, Mama?  I think he fell.'  Right, and I have a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn.

As the week progressed, Charlie upped the ante.  My mother in law is in town for spring break.  She was buckling Charlie into the car seat, I was on the other side helping Gregory into his.  Charlie said, 'Mommy, I have to tell you something.'  

What honey?  

'It's something that Nani (my mother in law) did that I didn't like.'  

My mother in law and I are both baffled and have no idea what he's going to say.  

'Nani spit at me and Gregory.  She spit at us and I didn't like it at all.'

My mother in law is aghast.  I say, Charlie Goldstein, are you sure you're telling the truth?

'Yes, I am.  Nani spit.'

My mother in law's face is literally next to his with a look that could maim or possibly even kill her first born grandchild.  But she calmly states, 'Charlie, I do not spit.  It is not nice.  Perhaps you're thinking of yesterday when you spit at me.'  

Oh, snap.  He did spit at her the day before because she tried to help him to his room to get dressed for school.  

With no response from her accuser, Nani asked, 'Charlie, is that what you're telling Mommy about, when you spit at me?'

Charlie can't even look her in the eye, he stares straight ahead and says, 'Nani, I'm done.  This discussion is over.'

We duck behind the car to hide our laughter.  But as we pull out of the driveway, the reality of the situation hits and I become somber.  The age of innocence is over.  My son has graduated from fibber to bold faced liar in exactly 3 days.  At this rate, by the time Charlie is 5, he's going to be telling me he doesn't know how that dent got on the bumper of my car or why the inside reeks of beer.  My husband often likes to say, go big or go home.  Or in Charlie's case, lie big and admit to nothing.