You Know Nothin'

Do you remember having to give oral book reports in school? You think you have your act reasonably together. Read the book - check; if available, memorize the Cliff's Notes - check; rehearse in front of the mirror and make it sound like you didn't memorize the Cliff's Notes - check. All systems are a go as you stand in front of your teacher and classmates.
Then, 1 of 2 things happens. Your entire summation of the book takes exactly one minute, when the assignment is a 10 minute presentation. Or you yammer on for all 10 of those minutes about nothing. No sentences are formed, each word leaving your mouth has nothing to do with the one before. Everyone is left with the impression that you are an idiot and clearly did not read the book.
The latter, well that happens everyday in life with a preschooler. Their curiosity, wonder and literal interpretation of the world are truly something to behold. They ask questions that you think in your head are pretty basic. But try to verbalize an explanation and you are left in awe of your own incompetence as well as your memory loss (didn't I learn this in school).

Here is an example of my morning. Keep in mind this is at 5:30 am, before sunrise and a cup of coffee. Also note I have only included Charlie's half of the conversation because mine is just too embarrassing.

- How do lady bugs eat and drink? Is that lady bug a boy or a girl?
- Why is the sun rising? (I did mention something about the earth rotating on it's access - definite points for that) Where is the sun coming from? Why are there people living on the opposite end of the earth?
- Why do my feet smell? Where does smell come from?
- Why did you say this situation is sticky? Did it get sticky by eating candy? Can I have some candy?
- If the dark clouds are for making rain, what are the white clouds for?

And in the world of preschoolers, "I don't know" or "It's just an expression" are not acceptable answers. If you're lucky, you're near a computer. If not, the questions just continue, on and on and on. How many times can one child ask 'Why' in the course of a day? The answer, 968. My husband wonders why I always forget shit, like his dry cleaning, or showering. My friends with older kids say it will only get worse as they learn more, ask more complicated questions, and develop a pretty accurate bullshit radar.
I thought this feeling of incompetence just stemmed from not knowing what to do when my kid tries to stick Cheerios up his brother's nose, yells at a woman on a bike for not wearing a helmet, or refuses to poop on the potty. But it goes much deeper than that. Charlie's preschool gave me a handout stating that by age 4, children will learn up to 40% of what they will learn in their whole lifespan.
Here's a question; if I'm the person responsible for the majority of Charlie's education until he reaches kindergarten, what kind of a chance does this kid have? My guess is by age 4 he's going to know that his Mom clearly did not read the parenting 101 book. I just hope he doesn't think I'm an idiot. I guess we all have different definitions of success and they evolve as we do.