My Mother's Day Gift

Mother's Day started out like the special celebration it should be - Mommy sleeps in, is served a wonderful breakfast, everyone is on their best behavior, nice cards and some gifts are given. Brian dressed the boys to go to the farmer's market, and made sure that everything matched. Even when Charlie decided to ruin my nap by playing monster truck jam (which entails taking every metal truck he owns and bouncing it off the coffee table), Brian took heed and exited quickly to run some 'father-son errands', leaving me with Gregory, who was napping. Heavenly alone time.

It was by all accounts a perfect day. But by 4 pm, the specialness seemed to have worn off and it was back to the same old, same old - kids fighting, husband working, and me, doing a lot of yelling.

Gregory was standing in the living room, screaming, pinned up against the fireplace. Charlie was laying on the floor and had him in some kind of scissor kick wrestling move. Gregory's shoulders were being held between Charlie's knees, leaving his feet free to kick his brother in the face. After me shouting threats (and being ignored) for the 500th time, I stormed into the kitchen and put a bottle of white wine in the freezer. Happy hour was starting a little early tonight.

Brian looked up from his computer long enough to give me the, 'What the heck is going on in there? Do you have any control over your kids? Can't you see I'm trying to work?' look. I responded with the 'Verbalize any of those thoughts and your children will be mourning the loss of their father on Mother's Day' glare.

I returned to the living room to find that nothing had changed. I pulled up a chair, might as well be comfortable while I referee and wait for the wine to chill. I was about to throw a red card and take away Charlie's dessert when Gregory stopped crying and broke free of the scissor hold. He threw himself on top of his brother and started smacking him in the face. Charlie screamed, 'Gregory, stop it. No hitting. Stoooooopppp it you stupid.'

I sat there and took it all in, smiling. A Mother's Day gift for the ages, Gregory finally started rebelling against his brother's tyranny of violence. I don't need jewelry or fancy spa gifts on this day (though in the future they would be appreciated). My wants are simple, just a little peace or at least a fair fight.

Now that the playing field is evened out a bit, we can set up that cage in the backyard for the Ultimate Fighting Championship and offer fans a decent match for their money. Hey, stop judging, we have to pay for college somehow.